Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Thank Halifax for Mid-Twenties Guys

Since I am clearly some fancy-pants jet setter, I spent the weekend in Halifax with my mom. Here's a hot tip for any girls out there who might be interested in knowing where all the single under-30 dudes in Canada live: they live in Hali. The place was infested with those sumbitches. Seriously! It was like, walk downtown? Gaggles in mid-20s young men. Hang out at the mall? Throngs of dudes. Even the shoe stores were stuffed with guys, all of whom seemed to be glumly watching their mothers try on outrageous shoes.

My favourite moment was when we were walking in the shopping district downtown. High noon, streets packed with people, and roaring through the crowd comes a crappy little four-door, with about eight guys sardined inside, all singing "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" from Armageddon. Even the untrained ear can discern overblown schmaltziness in that little ditty. It was most excellent to hear a half-dozen polo-shirt- and flip-flop-wearing dude bros get hilarious.

I've written before about Dude Energy and how it truly is the most potent form of energy, save really sugary black-tar coffee (wowza! I had some yesterday and it made me shake for an hour. In. Tense. That's coffee, not dudes, you pervs), but can you imagine a city powered by Dude Energy? I just got chills. With four post-secondary schools, you have your pick of regular-issue dudes at Dal, skinny-jean-wearing artists at NSCAD, and a plethora of other young men who are populating the area.

I'm not saying there are no young women in Halifax. There are lots. Plenty! If there was some sort of tragic zombie outbreak (for instance), the young ladies of Halifax are numerous enough to provide lots of post-apocalyptic world-repopulation-type activities. Very few of them seem to be nuns, complete uggos, or obvious emotional train wrecks (which, for those of you keeping score at home, I totally defined on Urban Dictionary!) it's odd that there's this overflow of young, eligible men. I'm not really complaining - although it would be nice if some of these guys took the Pet Shop Boy's advice and went West to Toronto, but it's nice to know they're out there.

Anyway, aside from the passels of attractive guys, Halifax had other standout features. We ate at Chives, walked into the Atlantic Ocean in Peggy's Cove, snuck into the coolest high school ever in Lunenberg, bought Camper shoes for way cheap, got into a fight with Customer Service at the mall, walked to the top of the Citadel, ate a lot of bacon, biked, drove a lot, wore the same outfit for basically five days in a row, drank really strong beer, and unsuccessfully shopped for bathing suits. It was your basic Canadian-issue long weekend getaway. It was lovely. I love the ocean, and Halifax is nice (although it does seem to be on a 45 degree angle, making cycling unappealing), and it was great to get away and, for at least the weekend, take in the views.


  1. They sure as hell don't live in Montreal. Holy ass are those dudes nast.

  2. Ha ha! Aw, poor Montreal. At least their women are well-dressed.