List of Vices

I have a long list of vices. Here are some of them:

• Never admitting when I fart.
• Pinterest.
• Talking to myself in the shower.
• Carelessness with keys, sunglasses, and wallets.
• Chronically avoiding the green bin chore.
• Never hanging my towels up to dry.
• Reading in bed.
• Red wine.
• Not brushing my hair.
• A soft spot for ugly nail polish colours.
• Takeout burritos.
• Lecturing people on things that I know only marginally more than they do - this would be mansplaining if I had a penis, but I don't.
• Hectoring foreigners into trying on a Canadian accent.
• Not doing dishes. 
• Everything at the Bulk Barn.
• Wasabi peas.
• Coke Zero.
• Cheap books.
• Revenge fantasies, usually involving spit and a Bond-villain-like treatise on why I hate that person.
• Secretly hating yoga.
• Clothes that are too small but I keep trying anyway.
• Bad moods.
• Wearing my shoes until they literally fall off my feet in tatters. 
• Being slightly rude to people I've slept with's girlfriends.
• Self-loathing hangovers.
• Caramel cheesecake.