Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Who Wears Short Shorts?

In the post-Bush world, it cannot be denied that Michelle Obama is a total fox. Especially coming after Laura Bush, who looked vacant and bland as toasted Wonderbread, Michelle O. is a treat. She's all muscular and shit: she looks like she might be able to bench-press Mister President, which potentially would make for some sexy bedroom fun.

I always enjoy is when the political media gets whipped into a frenzy vis-a-vis fashion. It's fluffy, you know? People get so worked up about whether or not the First Lady whould be showing her arms, or wearing a headband, or admitting to being pregnant. It's like, hello? Priorities? There are, like, wars and stuff? Not to mention that people rarely get all ga-ga over the Pres' suits. I know it's been said before - how lame it is that First Ladies get excoriated for their fashion choices, while their husbands are the leader of the Free World? There's a canyon-sized divide between What Matters and What Doesn't Matter, but the female partners of politicians get reduced, time and again, to window dressing. Criticized window dressing.

Before I get all Women's Studies about the whole thing, I'll get to the point. Shorts. Do they matter? Who wears 'em? (Hint: I do. I love them.) Are they appropriate for the First Family? Are shorts a cause or effect of global warming? Are we seriously still talking about this?

In any case, like any good upper-middle-class American family, the Obamas (can I admit to constantly thinking "Obama" is a first name?) took a jaunt over to the Grand Canyon. And, like hundred of thousands of American tourists, Michelle Obama elected to sport a pair of shorts on her travels. So did her daughters, and they took in the sights and sounds of the American Southwest in garb that reflect the insane heat suffered in that part of the country. I don't know what 100 degrees farenheit is in real temperature, but I do know that it's warm. Like, balls hot.

In any case: shorts, like weaves and tube tops and other tricky items of clothing, should be worn by those who can pull them off. You got nice legs? Show 'em! I wear shortie-shorts for two reasons: one, I hate being hot, and two, I bike a lot. I have earned my gams, and they certainly won't be around forever. Michelle Obama, who clearly likes the gym, has earned her pins as well.

Look, I say the hoopla is all about context. If she - hell, if anyone - was roaming around in the blazing hot Arizonia sun wearing a natty wool pantsuit, I would question her brainpower. What she wore to the inauguration was charming and appropriate without being staid, and I love her green shoes.

But: pffft. I like fashion as much as the next broad, but I seriously could not care less about shorts and their relative appropriateness to events with regards to political wives. I sort of can't believe anyone else can, to be honest. It's the lamest sort of lip service: in theory, she's important enough to write about. Because of who she traded wedding bands with, however, she's been cast away into this bog of lameness: who she wears and who she shares a bed with standing in for what she does and what she cares about.

I say wear those shorts, Mrs. Obama. Wear them when you take your kids to the zoo, or when you hit the beach, or when you take the family for ice cream. Wear them knowing full well that, even though you're a lawyer and a mother, you're getting papparazzi'ed when you go about your business. I'll wear mine as I gad about the city, not getting photographed (also not flying a private jet to my vacation destinations...), and feeling just fine about it.

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