This Post Is Funnier On A Tee Shirt

I just need to give a shout-out to one the best inventions of the last 50 years. Sorry, nerds. It's not the e-bike or the internet. The real duke of New York is the funny tee shirt. I know: it's a totemic hipster douchebag thing, like the sartorial equivalent of claiming to be "way into Diplo" before anyone else. But I would argue that it's done plenty to unite folks - not just hipsters - in the common quest for the funny.

For instance: this matching duo might be one of the best uses of the "funny girl best friend" clauses of the frustratingly sexless mixed-gender adult friendship. The chance to make your friends crazy with laughter all night, to provoke strangers to come up to you at the inevitable dive bar and ask if you're pregnant when you light up a smoke while clutching a PBR, is a privilege granted only to the greatest of professional jerks. Braying laughter in a concerned stranger's face is upper-level dick behaviour, but the shirts are so charming and wide-eyed that I'll come down in the "pro" column.

Without the funny tee-shirt, Threadless would be a lonely internet outpost instead of a repository of both great beauty and great fun. Without the funny tee shirt, American Apparel would never have turned into the jersey juggernaut that it is. Without the funny tee shirt, shy people would never have approached slightly inebriated strangers at a bar, claiming that they only "want to see the shirt," thus catapulting them into a potentially hot and awkward (hotkward?) make-out session while both are in line for the bathroom.

The funny tee shirt is the grandson of the vintage shirt, which, of course, begat the ironic faux-vintage shirt. The funny shirt cuts out the pretend-old bullcorn and cuts to the heart of the matter. Girls think funny guys are sexy. Conversely, men seem to view hilarious women as a variety of ugliness. To combat this, we just wear our funny tee shirts tight and hope for the best. To paraphrase Bobby Vinton, a sense of humour is never a handicap to a girl as long as she hides it under a see-through blouse. Funny tee shirts are a visual cue, not unlike a concert tee: Some girls want guys who will take them to Joel Plaskett concerts; other dames want tickets to Just For Laughs. I want both, but I am a princess.

The funny tee shirt announces to the world, "I don't spend my hard earned money on concert tickets and lasting memories! I could, but instead, I choose to amuse my friends with puns, hilarious graphics, sarcasm and a finely finished seam on the sleeve. I am truly delightful. Now, young lady, if you'll just come with me..."